Have you ever left a bad situation only to find yourself back in a similar scenario?
Are you reliving a situation that you thought you left in the past? It may be that the characters have changed ( i.e. the boyfriends, bosses, friends etc.) but for the most part, things have not evolved.
Yours may be an internal conflict first and foremost.
I’ve had my share of narcissistic personalities surround me. It was as though every time I left a bad situation, I would find myself noticing narcissistic qualities in the new people around me. Eventually I had to ask the question, “is it me?”
Yes. It is always me.
Yes. It is always you.
The people that surround us hold a mirror up to us. They don’t necessarily have to reflect similar traits. They can reflect those aspects of ourselves that we do not tolerate. They can also reflect our weaknesses— or the areas that we subconsciously may desire to strengthen.
I was constantly a victim. I was the victim of my circumstance. That was my story. Of course, every personality that I came across would reflect to me my victim story. They were the bad, narcissists and I was always the victim, martyr.
Before the outer shift happened, I had to first recognize this internal conflict. Why was being the victim so attractive to me?
It all boiled down to this: Victimhood was easy. Empowerment was not. Being the victim freed me from the responsibility over my life. So if things weren’t going quite as well as I would have hoped, instead of blaming myself for not changing things, I always had a nice little villain lined up to place the blame on.
I regained my power when I became aware that I was choosing to play the victim. I began to acknowledge my part in creating the victim story and also in reinforcing it. Instead of being defensive against the “villains” in my life, I consciously stopped defending myself. I began to disengage. Slowly but surely, these characters started to shift away. Some I no longer found myself around due to the circumstances of life and others simply became non-factors.
I acknowledged the inner conflict and the outer conflict subsided.
What inner conflict is unresolved for you? Who is holding up a mirror for you to see something that you haven’t wanted to see?
This is radical honesty in practice.
Give me a shout. I’m here if you need me.
Your Inner Ally,