Lyndsay has suffered from anxiety and depression since she was very young. She now uses fitness to cope and shares her experiences in this #innerview.
Read our exchange below:
What is your happiest memory? What emotions does it stir up for you?
Christmas mornings before I left for college. Everyone was happy, together. We had good food and just enjoyed the day together as a family. The problems didn't matter that morning.
What was a time that you felt the most distant to that memory? How does it feel to think about it?
The Holidays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Years Eve. It hurts more than I can handle. Those are my worst times, when I have my breakdowns. I'm most anxious, cause fights with those closest to me, become introverted. Thinking about it now it still hurts. But it's avoidable when the holidays aren't right in your face.
Can you describe "anxious" Lyndsay? Who is she? What is she like?
Anxious Lyndsay is irritable, defensive, extremely critical of herself and others, introverted. Hungry! Insatiable. Feels like the world is ending, like she's a failure and has let herself down.
Do you feel powerful? If so, what makes you feel powerful and when do you feel it?
I feel powerful when I work out. By the end of it, I feel really positive and like I can accomplish anything. Each workout is a new challenge. Whether it's breaking a record, completing something I've been working towards, or even just working out even though I was tired.
What is worth saving? What is worth preservation?
Humanity. Human relationships. Our health.
What do you dream of?
Being known for something, being great, changing something. Not famous-celebrity status, just recognized, like "she made a real difference." Sharing my message with the masses - using fitness and health as a means to an end, the end being happiness and stability, NOT perfection.
What are you MOST afraid of?
Looking back at my life and realizing I didn't at least explore a dream. There are certain dreams we have that aren't what we thought they would be. And I think once someone has come to that realization, that it's not what we had hoped for, it's okay to let that dream go. But at least try it out first. Be able to say that you went for it and that it wasn't for you instead of later asking "what if..." I don't want to ever regret not having tried to do something. I think that scares me more than failure. Of course I'm scared of failure, VERY scared, but not as bad as not trying at all.
If you can tell someone in your shoes what NOT to do, what would you tell them?
Not to be so hard on people. I have extremely high expectations of others, because I also have high expectations of myself. Not to be so hard on themselves. You have to slow down and enjoy the moments because they don't come back.
If the world was completely empty of anything or anybody but you, what would you fill it with? What does your perfect world look like?
I have no idea!
How do you like to ask for help? What would you specifically request right now?
I would ask people to start being more open and receptive to mental disorders like anxiety and depression. To seek to understand rather than ignore.